J is for joyful

In February, “spots” were found on my liver. Next, they were found in my small intestine.

Spots? What the hell are spots? Cancer.

On March 2, the tumors in my intestine were removed. Meds are working their magic on the liver tumors.

During my hospital stay, my two Cavalier King Charles spaniels, Panda and Grizzly, turned six years old.

On March 20, my Grizzly died. No clue why.

Through all this, I’ve tried to be joyful.

Joyful for my cancer being treatable.

Joyful for the time I had with Grizz.

Joyful for the creative part of me. To help my spirit heal, I’m making a paper/fabric/bead collage and a quilt. Both have hearts.

I started the collage early in February, when I had just found out about the spots on my liver. That “not knowing” time was the worst—I was pretty certain the spots were cancer, and that the cancer didn’t start in the liver but had traveled there from somewhere else. But I was trying to be joyful and upbeat! The background of the collage, a hand topped with a heart, is a little serious. I added joy to the piece with a bunch of photos of zany women.

The hand/heart/women part of the collage I’ll stitch to fabric, and then I’ll add beads.

Somewhere on it I’ll write:

Whatever life hands you,

face it with a joyful heart.

The quilt is my version of Ricky Timms’ quilt “The Beat Goes On and On” that was patterned in the February 2011 issue of The Quilt Life magazine. I’m calling my quilt “Gratitude and Remembrance.” “Gratitude” for the type of cancer I have being treatable, and “remembrance” of all the joy Grizz brought to me. I decided to make this quilt within a few days after I got home from the hospital. I started it the day after Grizzly died. It brings me serenity when I’m working on it. I think I’ll feel a little sad when it's finished.

And, I don’t even like heart symbols! As to why I chose a heart for my collage, I guess it was intuition. I chose to create a quilt with hearts because of my healthy heart. Carcinoid tumors—the type I have—if left untreated long enough can cause heart damage, then heart failure.

I have no heart damage. For that, I’m joyful!

P.S. I’ve found it very easy to talk about having cancer. But, it’s taken me this long (exactly 11 weeks since surgery) to jot down these words. And then, I only wrote a little bit. My thoughts and feelings about that crappy “C” word are difficult for me to write about.

another P.S. Cancer gets ya reflecting about death. I've been pondering what my legacy will be. Ever the starter but not so much the finisher, I’ve been on a path of leaving of legacy of UFO’s (unfinished objects). I don’t want that. So, I’ve been working on some of my many UFO’s, and here are two of them.

I started “Jivin’ with Jimmie” probably six or seven years ago before I found this life-size poster of him.

I finished joining the blocks together and started quilting it on March 13.

The blocks in “Stinkin’ Hot” were finished a couple of years ago. The past few weeks I’ve joined them to make the quilt top. Quilting is coming soon.

This "C" thing isn't awesome or zany!